I've heard from reliable sources that when Lord Rama went on exile he received dozens of emails and voicemails inquiring about his startling deficiency from the epicenter of encounter. in this day, I'm not boasting but when I stopped writing my blog - which diverse consider the truth for journalists, dope-enthusiasts, and frog-fuckers - for in a month I received approximately hundreds of emails. Admittedly, most of the mails had "enlarge your toothpick dick and coach your lover till she's in a coma" as the at the mercy of but I knew they were exclusive emails sent by my fan(s) requesting me to live up to the caption of my blog (it's all about reading between the lines). I be deficient in my fiend(s) to know that I do make a note daily but just not daily everyday. And the reasons for that are sundry. I could tell you about the time I dived in in the forefront of a speeding eighteen-wheeler to conserve a puppy who was crossing the motorway carrying atomic weapons; or the set I had to over the five babies of a brace of conjoined pair sisters (who weren't even pregnant) joined at the pussy; or even that time when I jacked off so industrious that I was transported into a parallel circle where women vacuumed with their vaginas and wrote with their nipples. It's true that all those things force, in part, eaten up the pro tem I would have, else, set aside to jot my ‘poetry-like' pieces to detoxify the minds of kids, adults, and necrophiliacs akin. no matter how, the one thing that has getting ready my mind for sometime, and stolen most of my but, is what happened on that one fine Wednesday a scattering months ago when I was in the toilet taking a shit. That day has been etched into the deeper layers of my consciousness by two reasons. Number One: my crap smelled like butterscotch ice-cream on that day. And Number Two: God talked to me when I was doing number two. "Wipe thy ass for I have bestowed upon thou the reprehend of well-spring a uncharted religion," were his exact words.
I consumed ages interpreting God's words and communicating with him. It took two days to be more precise, which was there twenty four hours more than what it took to start the other religions existing in this world today. I knew I was ready to show the billions of sinners in the magic a disgrace new parkway to reach God. After having been assigned the task to preserve humanity, I was christened by the Lord himself as of doom Cassandra Butterscotch (I'm indubitable he had his reasons). And it was undeniable by the Almighty and seconded by me that the unknown belief of the earth would be known as ‘Butterscotchism'.
I, Prophet Butterscotch, shall infrequently expound to the believers the marked features of the faith of ‘Butterscotchism' which were narrated to me by the in reality omnipresent sovereign, while I was on the shitpot.
Those who offer their lives in toto to the enrichment of the religion of Butterscotchism:
1) requisite not have copulation with women, men, she-males, he-females, dogs, cats, frogs, rabbits, birds, fish, reptiles, worms, or iPod nanos.
2) Can only guarantee in intercourse with iPod classics.
3) Must not waste exact a single down of semen. The over-abundance spooge should be saved using iTunes.
4) obligated to never depict middle of pictures, videos, or holograms the image of vaticinator Butterscotch for he's not really photogenic.
5) Are forbidden from eating beef, pork, mutton, roasted giraffes, or poultry for such meats house the devilish spirits of the happy.
6) Are allowed to throw away freshly disown tits of virgins and prostitutes.
7) Are disallowed from the function of self-pleasuring using the left side hand or the to be fair foot.
8 ) be compelled believe with immaculate positiveness that if anything is in writing then it's true even if it's the recounting of a ten-headed man fighting flying monkeys.
9) ought to whole-heartedly reconcile oneself to that ending the lives of people whom you don't even recall for the profit of ‘Butterscotchism' wishes get you a box-hinie right next to spirit.
10) Are forbidden from any type of relations, true, meta-concrete or fervent, with people independent the butterscotch-community.
11) Are to look upon those of vanilla, chocolate, mango, and pistachio origins as infidels who deserve a brutal death in the distinction of prognosticator Butterscotch. Unless they are insanely sumptuous.
12) obligated to convince themselves that talking filth is far worse than perpetrating abduction, murder, or manipulation of laws.
13) Must dish up the faculty of normal and non-aligned ratiocination.
14) Are banned from taking a quip.
15) necessity donjon circumcising their brains every five years.
16) Must gratify the testicles of a squirrel two times a date every Saturday and Sunday.
17) sine qua non respect all women emotionally and physically.
a) Not really.
18 ) Are forbidden from whistling or humming while prepossessing a piss.
19) Are forbidden from letting out more than two farts during excretion.
20) obligation, after their passing from this fleshly world, be strapped to a scooter and
and rolled down a hill while relatives attend to with their hands down their pants.
It is powerfully pertaining that our world today which is corrupted by so many phoney religions and awful reality shows is cleansed quickly and effectively by the compassionate and no more than frank religion of ‘Butterscotchism'. As the concluding authority on ‘Butterscotchism', I, Prophet Butterscotch, implore you to perform sometimes and think not under any condition. Spread the word of ‘Butterscotchism' as much as you can and as to this point in time b to a certain extent as you can. ‘Butterscotchism' is a dogma that feeds not on folklores or fiction but on the people of this world. recognize, Butterscotch is neutral not butterscotch without the nuts.
Hail Hershey's!
